viotle.net

Destiny and divine foreordainment…

Nisa_Rk — Tue, 07 Sep 2010 06:35:37 +0000

also known as Qada’ and Qadar. Something that I may have failed to look at and comprehend while I was learning my religious studies.

I am perhaps, able to fathom everything else (god willing) but this one particular bit. I don’t know if it is because my character is such that I am extremely obstinate or it is because I have the inability to accept things as they are. I look back at what I had done so far. I had destroyed and mended friendships because love had torn it apart.

Shidy used to say this to me while I was dating him years ago, ‘I still love each and every one of my exes. Coz when you break-up, where does the love go?’.
I never understood what he meant until last year. And yes, I admit, I still love each and every of my ex-boyfriends at different amounts. As much as I will never admit, there will always be him who I will always love. I’ve done him wrong a number of times and yet he still forgive me.
Then, there will always be the other who is so far away and in my opinion, afraid to admit it to the world about us and take it from there.
Finally, there will always be the one whom I place on that pedestal. The one who managed to surpass the two and take number one spot.

People keep telling me that maybe Allah has better things for me. Me, being the way I am, never thought so that good things will happen to me but minus the Allah factor. I guess I’ve been tested way too much that I have forgotten how it was like to be strong. To not give a damn about things that are minuscule and insignificant. I tell myself, it is not that I do not know, I do know the reason but I just refuse to admit that reason. I have got to find myself. The one that is so objective and realistic about things. I must’ve lost me without realising it.

I guess the only good thing going about myself is that I have started to exercise at least 3 times a week. Apart from that, are all my friends who love me. I have been focusing so much on the negativities that I forgot to look at what’s positive in my life. The fact that I have such wonderful friends who genuinely care about me. Yes, I understand that I can only plan but Allah knows best if it can happen or not. Understand but sometimes not accepting it when things don’t go my way.

I know one thing for sure that I have to learn again to lighten up like ALOT. When I am sincerely willing to give my all to something or someone and yet they are not willing to receive it, their loss – not mine.

Last of all, I have to remember that I cannot keep on going against the tide of divine fate. Doesn’t work that way. And when it doesn’t go my way, remember to ‘Redha’.

I wanna run far far away…

Nisa_Rk — Sat, 28 Aug 2010 14:12:38 +0000

from you.

From all the pain that I am suffering from.

Am I too selfish?

I’ve cared for others more than I do myself.

I’ve put others ahead of myself and have forgotten my place in this life.

Am I living my life for others?

I’ve had enough of your ‘I can’ts’

I’ve had enough of your denials.

I am just sick and tired of this and I honestly wished I hadn’t known you if I am going to be hurt in this manner.

If only you see love the way I do, we won’t have to go through this.

Let me run far away from you.

Yes, I am running away from the problem. Yes I am avoiding it. There is only so much heartbreak I can take.

Baybeats 2010 (20-22 August)

Nisa_Rk — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 23:47:11 +0000

The signboard on stage.....

Rudra - Vinod (Guitars) and Kathir (Vox and Guitars)

Kathir again..

The moshing begins!

Vinod again...

Kathir, Vinod and Sree Devan

Full of expressions

From above...

A fan girl moment! m/

Me and Deva from Rasa

Meltg Snow

My most favourite shot of the night.

Meltg Snow

King Ly Chee's Bassist, Joe

The vivacious vox of King Ly Chee, Riz.

The Drummer of King Ly Chee, Egas.

Brian on guitars (King Ly Chee)

Moshing right behind me...

Kent on Guitars...SHIOK ONLY! (King Ly Chee)

Yeahhh!!! That's Joe.

More crazy ass moshing going on...

Bloody sound waves of ChthoniC. (14 Aug 2010)

Nisa_Rk — Sun, 15 Aug 2010 06:11:28 +0000

The long awaited concert Rajesh and I have been waiting for.

Held at Republic Poly’s TRCC. It was an absolute blast. The opening was by Meltg Snow, a goth metal band from Singapore. The turnout wasn’t plenty but I guess it’s good enough coz we actually get to meet and greet the band. Awesome sound, songs, everything! I even get to bring home a plectrum thrown by possibly Doris, the bassist. She’s easily one of the hottest metal chicks alive. Hah! Trying not to sound lesbo there.

Had an absolute fan girl moment when Rajesh and I took a picture with the band itself. I’ll let all the pictures I took speak for itself. Oh and a video too. hehe…

Official Photographer taking a picture of us. Must've been the black lipstick that I wore that's attracting attention...

Crazy fans throwing hell notes at the band.

Maradou

Doris

Jesse

An absolute fanboy and fangirl moment for the both of us!

Souvenirs!!!

My Best Friend’s Wedding

Nisa_Rk — Fri, 06 Aug 2010 15:49:35 +0000

Perhaps one of the happiest moments of her life to marry the man of her dreams. Zaila and I were there to be bridesmaids. It was interesting, considering that bridesmaids these days don’t really have much to do! HAHA!

I wonder when’s my turn…

Tripped and Fell.

Nisa_Rk — Sat, 31 Jul 2010 15:43:49 +0000

I was in mom’s room minutes ago, icing her knee and her finger. I didn’t see exactly what happened but she fell. Her leg got caught on something and she fell. I did not panic. Instead, I had hugged her and rubbed her shoulders and arm and asked her where does it hurt. She pointed out that her knee is hurting. So I told her to sit still and don’t move just yet since she was shocked from what just happened.

I carried mom up and moved her slowly to her bedroom. Checked her knee and noticed a bruise forming. Grabbed some ice, a rag and put it on her knee for half an hour. I did all of it with a straight face but only god knows how I panicked deep inside and I was on the verge of tears.

I want to talk to someone about it. But it’s late and honestly, why do I wanna bother people with how I panicked?

Controlling the tears

Nisa_Rk — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 15:54:38 +0000

I have been preparing for his departure since the day I knew him. I know that I have to be ready for it. It’s probably my fault that I got close to him but I don’t regret this. It would be more of a mistake to not even know him. I’ve had so much fun with him.

Lately, I just let him annoy me to no end. Sometimes not even concocting a retort in my head. Just let him do what he wants to do. All because I know that I will miss it. I just want to have everything as a memory. I know it’s not like as if he is leaving this world. I had promised him that we will still hang out and stuff like that. But things will definitely be different. I guess there’d be no more train rides home with him. Definitely no Monday lunches. There be no one annoying me anymore. No random hugs in the lifts….

I’m just gonna miss him.

He is not leaving yet…and today when we talked about it in the train, I nearly cried. I told him, if you ever have to say goodbye to me, don’t do it infront of everyone. I controlled my tears with difficulty and really didn’t want to talk about it as there’s nothing to talk about exactly. It’s just something I feel. Throughout the rest of the journey, all I did was control my tears.

By the time I reach home, that put an end to the control.

People have come and go in my life. Most of the times, I only cry when the person passes on. In fact, I only remember crying when I left Haian at Damascus Airport in June 2008 and the time my parents left for Haj in December 2007. Mom said, I’m a hard-hearted person. I probably am…until he came along.

Protected: A Change In The Wind

Nisa_Rk — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 16:36:45 +0000

Deal with it…

Nisa_Rk — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 07:09:06 +0000

But why? What makes him think that I’m not? I wandered around in the airport today during lunch. Ran some errands and I was in my own bubble of thoughts. And there, I was brooding while I walked aimlessly in Terminal 2. Unfortunately, I’m not out of it. When I start to be upset about something, it is hard for me to get out of it. The only way for me to get out of it, is a hug. However, not everyone in my life knows me well enough to even do that. I find myself wanting to cry and not stop.
Somehow I know my heart is hurting in a way but it heals when he is next to me. Makes me feel better and he doesn’t even have to say anything. I got so used to snuggling up next to him and sometimes go home with his scent on me. I think depression is hitting hard on me. When will I ever be happy?

Knowing it all does not change anything.

Nisa_Rk — Sat, 05 Jun 2010 00:55:54 +0000

Most of the time, it doesn’t. But I’m too curious that I actually refuse to let it go until I know it. No doubt it gets to the better of me.

It’s okay….

I always believe there’s a reason why things happen. I’ll probably know some day.