Since Thursday night, he has made it known to me. He wants to give us another try. Things like this only happens in the movies where the ex comes back, realizing that you are the one and wants to be with you and all. But this is real life (which usually ends up in rejection) and it is happening. Naturally, I am taken aback and in spite of the fact that I have never stopped loving him since the day we parted, I am afraid. I am terrified of history repeating itself.
Even with his assurance, part of me just wants his divorce to be fully settled and then I move on from there. However, another part of me just wants him so bad and not care about waiting for the settlement. I am just afraid that I take too long to decide and then lose him to someone else. I mean, he is like the sand I grasp in my hand, only a matter of time the sand slips through my fingers. I make no secret about my feelings and fears towards him and him the same.
I know that a lot of people would fear for my heart to be broken again once more as it has happened one too many times. But part of me wants and is curious to know if this could work. And I really appreciate the concern and all. As usual, I am stubborn. It is not that I won’t listen to reason. I would but I just need to know. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life wondering on all the ‘what ifs’. Who are we to know what’s best for us? Only Allah knows.
I have not really decided on going back to him but I certainly am leaning towards him. Someone ever asked me, how do you know that he is the one for you? I said I don’t know but it probably is when I begin to see beyond everything and would do anything just to be with him.
I love him but…..sigh